I can totally relate. A mentor of mine likes to call to this “leading with losing”. I’ve also heard this called “failing in advance” or “failing ahead of time”. Like you said, it’s building up so much negativity that we talk ourselves out of our dreams before we even try thinking we’re sparing ourselves from the pain of possible failure or disappointment. I’ve been really working on my relationship with failure. For me, I find that I can’t just say failing is good, or that failing leads to success because I’m just not in that headspace yet. I’ve learned that affirmations don’t work if your mind actively resists what you’re trying so hard to believe. Instead, I’m working on the belief that failure is just a negative belief that I’ve assigned to something not working out the way I envisioned — that something is neither positive or negative unless I attach a positive or negative thought to it. The freedom lies in the knowledge that I get to choose the meaning I assign to anything that happens, and it’s that meaning that I choose that will dictate the emotions I ultimately experience.