Gretchen,

I’ve felt every emotion you described in your post. I felt like I was doing everything “right” but gaining little to no traction. After several months, I dropped out of the Medium Partnership Program because the $5/month, as reasonable as it is, made me feel like I was paying someone to be my friend. I stepped away for several months to focus on developing my freelance skills outside of Medium. What led me back to Medium was that, despite my absence, somehow a few readers found my older work and clapped or commented. I know we’re often told to write for ourselves and not for others’ validation, but I think so many of us write to feel that sense of connection — to not feel so alone. Interestingly, when I wasn’t part of the Partnership, I found myself reading others’ work, just for enjoyment. I clapped for posts that resonated with me and commented when I felt moved to do so. Slowly my feelings of insecurity — and if I’m honest, envy — started to loosen their hold on me. I rejoined the Partnership Program back in May and am glad I did. It’s not to say that I don’t feel the occasional twinge of what the actual heck, man when I see the numbers on some of the posts I read. I still get pangs of self-doubt and question my skills, but this time I’ve decided to try to learn as much as I can from others as I grow. I just wanted to let you know you are definitely not alone with your thoughts. We’ve all been there at some point or another. If you decide to leave Medium, I hope you keep writing. Hang in there. Best of luck to you.